Added: Jeb Tober - Date: 06.12.2021 22:39 - Views: 14757 - Clicks: 3436
I was left — nay, abandoned by my girlfriend last week. Not, like, permanently, but for four days while she was off on a business trip. Those days were not easy. What am I supposed to eat? When am I supposed to eat? Which hole does my food go in? Which of these metal things do I use to pick up my food?
Does Taco Bell deliver? All of these questions are impossible for me to answer! I need my lady here to nursemaid me through life. How does one function when the responsible adult in the relationship takes off for a week? First of all, the basics: food goes in your mouth. Use a fork. You can use a spoon for soup. Food should be warm, so find an instruction manual for your microwave. Most people eat three times a day.
No, Taco Bell does not deliver. OK, now onto advanced eating. Order pizza as much as you want. Your girlfriend tries her best to keep you eating healthy food. She cares about your body and wants you to live a long life. Then, by all means, get down and get dirty on that pizza. They will appreciate hearing from you. They might even like to actually see you in person. Your girlfriend is independent and self-sufficient. This is similar to the bit of advice, in that it is important to remind people that you give a shit.
She might even bring you back a gift! You better get her something! Hell, I think even a gift certificate to Olive Garden would be sufficient in this case. The bathtub ring, toothpaste stains, dirty dishes, and casually strewn underpants are not a good look. You know how you used to live before you moved in with your girlfriend. It was shameful, and a potential health risk to you and your neighbors. Consider yourself lucky that someone was willing to overlook your terrible habits and fell in love with you.
Tidy up a bit. Carve out a couple hours to do the deed, or just hire one of your broke friends and kill two birds with one stone. Stretch out! Get comfy. Fart as much as you want. This is your time to shine! Save the politeness for when she comes home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but so does obsessive behavior. These words are for us all.
Beyond Worthyby Jacqueline Whitney.
You may unsubscribe at any time. Call her. Buy her a small but not too small gift. Sleep on both sides of your bed.
Stare at her picture intensely for 30 minutes before you go to sleep. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! See you Friday. Follow Thought Catalog.Girl friend out of town
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